“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.” Proverbs 9:10
Most everyone reading this blog has had difficult times when caring for a loved one. We hate ourselves for losing patience in caretaking. The following is a question sent in to me:
During this time of caretaking (husband’s Alzheimers) I KNOW all the answers as to how the Lord expects me to live but there are some days that are so long and difficult. I’m sure you know this. Do you have any experiences to help when I often feel impatient and like I fall so short?
It is true that I have experienced difficulties in caretaking and wanted to throw up my hands. I will mention two episodes in my life where I wanted to give up.
First, my father-in-law lived with us for about seven years. He did not have Alzheimers, but he could not see well, he could not hear well, he was incontinent, and he chewed tobacco! It was hard on me, and it was hard on my children. It was during the time when I was teaching BSF. To get away from Grandpa I would go to my back bedroom and work on my lecture. Grandpa couldn’t walk that far to see what I was doing, so he accused me of sleeping. Don’t I wish!
Finally, I gave in to God’s will for me that I should just love him and show it. So I began to take him for a ride in the car, I would sit and talk to him, but mostly I read the Bible to him.
Can you believe what happened? Right, he came to faith in the Lord Jesus Christ! Yes, the years were hard, but loving him and showing it counted for eternity and I would definitely do it again.
Second, my husband Bob did have Alzheimers. For eight years I took care of him as he slowly went down. It started when we lived in San Antonio and Bob was teaching medicine at the University of Texas Medical School. First, Bob got lost driving home from work. Then he forgot other things. That was when we were planning to move Rafiki to Florida. I had to sell our house in Texas and buy a house in Florida. Bob was not able to help with any of the move. My daughters helped me with packing and Steve and Carol Kranz moved in with us for a month to pack and move us to Florida.
As Bob’s disease progressed, it got harder and harder. I won’t go into too many details, but I found that if I could get him to repeat Psalm 23 with me at mealtimes that would help him and me. And I would sing with him! We sang the hymns that we knew. I’m so glad that I learned these hymns at church because the contemporary songs are impossible to sing. As Bob was dying, having had a massive stroke, I repeated Psalm 23 to him and prayed for him. I am not sure he could understand or hear me but it helped me.
I have found that when my grief is too deep to think or do anything, I can sing a hymn that I know by heart, and I find peace.
I hope this helps you.
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